


Alive

by Duchess_Of_York



Category: Classical Greece and Rome History & Literature RPF, Julius Caesar - Shakespeare
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 00:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7954996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duchess_Of_York/pseuds/Duchess_Of_York
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How was the party?”</p><p>Brutus froze. Memories of the event replayed themselves in his mind, and he didn’t know what to say. He knew he certainly couldn’t tell Cassius about what happened. “It was fine-” He abruptly responded before turning over on his other side. He noticed he was shaking again. </p><p>“Are you sure?” He could feel Cassius sitting up, “You’re not acting like it was fine.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my friend for giving me the idea for this story and helping me with it along the way (you know who you are ;) )
> 
> Also this was beta'd and proofread but if you come across any errors, could you please let me know ? thanks.

It happened at a party. Brutus had never been particularly fond of parties, often finding them dull and boring. He usually ended up sitting in a corner alone, his mind wandering. Either that, or he’d be chatting away with Cicero or Cassius. Unfortunately, both Cicero and Cassius could not make it to this particular party, so Brutus was left alone, mindlessly watching his fellow partygoers drink themselves into oblivion.

Brutus had consumed more wine than he’d like to admit. As his somewhat drunken eyes scanned the room, he noticed Marcus Antonius, which wasn’t a huge surprise. Antony, he knew, loved everything about parties and would go out of his way to attend one. Usually, if he and Antony spotted each other at a party, they would politely nod or wave (or, at least, Brutus would) and that would be that. However, this time was different. There was something very unnerving about the way he stared him. When Brutus locked eyes with Antony, Antony immediately went over to him.

“I need to talk to you,” Antony said, grabbing Brutus by the arm and forcing him to stand up. “Alone.” Brutus reluctantly followed as Antony lead him to an empty hallway in the villa, the grip on his arm so tight that he worried it would bruise.

“What is it, Antonius?” Brutus tried pulling away. His heart was pounding in his chest and every fiber of his being was telling him to get out of there, but Antony was much stronger than him, and there was nothing he could do. 

Antony slammed him against the wall, hard, pressing his body against Brutus’s. His breath hitched, and he could feel Antony’s warm breath against his ear. “Are you having fun, you little traitor?” Brutus wasn’t sure where this was going, and he didn’t say anything. “I still can’t believe Caesar pardoned you, after all you’ve done.” Ah, so that’s what this is about. “You deserved to be executed.” Antony’s voice sounded malicious, but he let out a small chuckle, “I’ll teach you a lesson.”

Brutus’s heart sank as he tried to calculate Antony’s next move, but his intoxicated state made it a bit difficult. He knew Antony could be ruthless, and he wasn’t sure what he might do to him. Did Antony have a knife on him? Would he hold Brutus down and slit his throat right there? Or would he strangle him with his bare hands? Thoughts like these raced through Brutus’s mind as his heart quivered in his chest. 

Before Brutus could respond, Antony’s lips were crushing his. He felt Antony’s tongue force its way into his mouth, and he was disgusted. Whatever he was expecting…. It certainly wasn’t this. He was shocked, and he tried to push Antony away again, but Antony’s grip on him was too tight, and Brutus was too disoriented to do anything. 

The next thing he knew, Antony was shoving him into a nearby bedroom, groping him and tearing off his clothes while kissing and biting the back of his neck. No matter how hard Brutus struggled, he couldn’t get away. “Stop-” he was scared, and his voice came out as a whisper, “Antony- Stop! Let me go-” Antony held Brutus’s arms behind his back as he roughly bent him over the side of the bed. 

“I bet you’re used to this, aren’t you?” Antony’s voice was sickening, “Being submissive to another man?”

Brutus was terrified because by this point, he knew what was coming. He shook his head, begging, “No, no, please, no-”

\--

He didn’t remember how he got home. He didn’t remember changing his clothes and getting into bed with his wife and Cassius. However, he woke up the next morning to Cassius kissing him. He flinched. 

“Good morning,” Cassius whispered. He smiled and brushed some of the hair out of Brutus’s face. Cassius didn’t smile often, but Brutus loved it when he did. For a moment, he had forgotten about what had happened to him last night. “How was the party?”

Brutus froze. Memories of the event replayed themselves in his mind, and he didn’t know what to say. He knew he certainly couldn’t tell Cassius about what happened. “It was fine-” He abruptly responded before turning over on his other side. He noticed he was shaking again. 

“Are you sure?” He could feel Cassius sitting up, “You’re not acting like it was fine.”

“Yes,” Brutus wanted this conversation to be over. He knew Cassius was observant, and he didn’t want to be questioned any further, “It was fine, I’m just tired,” part of him wanted to tell Cassius, but something inside him just wouldn’t let the truth come out. 

“Alright, then,” Brutus felt him pat his shoulder before getting up. Porcia was off somewhere, probably feeding the baby. Cassius had to get up to get ready to go to the senate meeting. Brutus had to, as well, but nothing could get him to leave the bed. He was unable to function; unable to do anything but lie there and stare at the wall. 

Cassius eventually managed to drag him out of bed. “What’s with you?” he asked. “You’re not acting like yourself. Are you hungover or something?” Brutus nodded, seeing an opportunity to not have to answer any more questions.

Brutus avoided Cassius’s gaze as they walked together to the Senate meeting. Brutus was in a daze. He didn't talk with Cassius or smile or anything like he normally would have. He felt like nothing was real, that everything around him was a dream or an illusion, that he was watching himself from outside of his body. He felt like his body wasn't his anymore. 

They finally made it to the Senate, and they took their seats. To Brutus’s horror, Antony was there. He knew he would be. He could feel Antony glaring at him, and he tried his best to ignore him. He wanted to disappear.

He heard Antony laugh to his friends. “I'm surprised Junius can sit down!” All of the color drained from Brutus’s face. He wasn’t surprised that Antony would bring up the deed. His mouth grew dry and his heart raced as anxiety built up in his chest. Even though he kept his eyes fixed on his hands in his lap, he could still feel a few people staring at him; especially Cassius. 

He didn't pay attention during the meeting. Horrible thoughts were crossing his mind left and right. What if everyone in the Senate found out? Brutus was an honorable man, what if his reputation was ruined? What if he went from being known as a respectable senator to being known only as having been Mark Antony’s whore? He felt dirty inside, rotten, and the thoughts only got worse. What would happen to Cassius and Porica? Porcia would want a divorce, he knew. She had a spotless reputation, and if people found out her husband had been used by another man, what would they think? And Cassius…. Who knows what he would think. He would probably never speak to him again.

The meeting dragged on and Brutus, who was normally very invested in Senatorial proceedings, hadn’t heard a single word. All he wanted to do was go home and hide in his bed and not think about Antony or his friends or the Senate or the party or anything. He got up to leave, forgetting that Cassius was even there. 

Cassius’s hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality. They were in an alley now- how they got there, he couldn't remember. He felt like he was floating, and all he could think about at that moment was going home. 

“Brutus, what's wrong?” Cassius asked, cupping his cheek. “Are you sick?”

Brutus turned away. “I'm fine,” his answer was abrupt, “I want to go home-” he attempted to walk past Cassius, but Cassius stopped him. 

“We can go home as soon as you tell me what's wrong,” Cassius looked him in the eye, and his expression softened. “What is it? Is it something with Antony?”

Brutus’s breath caught in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick. He didn't say anything- he couldn't say anything. He was frozen, but before he knew it, tears started forming in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but they wouldn't stop coming back. Soon his cheeks were wet, and his body was wracked with sobs. 

He felt Cassius embrace him and try to calm him down. “Shh, Marcus, it's okay,” no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop crying, “Please, tell me what's wrong.”

Brutus clung onto him, weeping into his shoulder. “Antony- Antony-” he sobbed, “Antony hurt me- I told him no but he hurt me-” he tried to catch his breath, “At the party last night, he took me- and- oh gods, Cassius- he raped me.” He shook his head, “It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much-”

Cassius grew tense as he tried to comfort Brutus. How dare Antony do this to his partner? How dare he rape him and leave him in such a state? Cassius was furious and someone- Antony- would pay. For now, though, he had to comfort his partner. He kissed his head and softly asked, “Why didn't you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared- I was scared you wouldn't love me anymore- I was scared you'd talk about it and everyone would know-”

“Oh, Marcus,” Cassius gazed at him and wiped away his tears, “I'll always love you. You know that, right?” Brutus looked down and nodded. “Let's go home. We have to tell Porcia.”

Brutus shook his head, “No, please don't tell her. I don't want her to know-” He didn't want to have to tell anyone again; he didn't want to have to relive the pain. 

Cassius tried to calm him down again. “It'll be okay. I promise. She loves you just as much as I do. She'll understand.” Cassius knew she suspected something was wrong, as well. She had pointed out the bruises on Brutus’s body to him when he had come home last night. 

Brutus spent a few more minutes wrapped in Cassius’s arms, crying and shaking. He listened as Cassius whispered to him, calming him down and telling him that it would be alright. Eventually, he caught his breath, and looked at Cassius, and told him he wanted to go home. 

\--

No matter how hard Brutus tried, he couldn’t seem to return to his normal life. He felt horrible and empty, as though something had been taken from him. For the next few weeks, he had trouble functioning. If it weren’t for either Cassius or Porcia coaxing him to get up, he probably would have stayed in bed most days. He didn’t enjoy the things he used to. When he tried to write, no words would come to him. All of the music he would have Lucius play sounded dull and bleak. Even songs he’d normally sing along to didn’t cheer him up. He would avoid senate meetings, getting Cassius to tell the others that he was sick. Even eating was a challenge sometimes, and he’d skip meals in favor of lying in bed and avoiding the world. He didn’t know if this was healthy, but, at the moment, he didn’t care.

Trying to get back to his normal life was one thing, but having to deal with his nightmares was another. Even in sleep, he couldn’t escape his current emotional state. Even in sleep, he couldn’t escape what Antony had done to him. He would have vivid nightmares of the event, waking up screaming and in a cold sweat. Luckily, Porcia and Cassius were always there to calm him down. They would wipe away his tears and wrap their arms around him and watch over him until he fell asleep.

One day, Brutus found himself sitting at the edge of his bed, with his elbows on his legs and his head in his hands. He couldn’t go on like this. He felt himself breathing in and out, in and out, and the room around him was so quiet he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Soon, he heard footsteps, and he sensed someone sit beside him. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t move.

“Brutus, dear,” it was the voice of his wife, “Are you feeling alright?”

Brutus didn’t know how to respond. No, he wasn’t feeling alright, and he hadn’t been ‘alright’ for the longest time. “Don’t worry about me, Porcia,” he insisted, “I’m just not feeling very well.” He let out a long sigh and wondered when he would feel well again.

He felt her arm wrap around him. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, “Tell me how I can get over this.”

“Marcus,” she whispered, “Marcus, look at me.” Brutus raised his head from his hands and glanced at his beautiful wife, “I understand what you’re going through. When I was growing up, my father drilled into me a strong sense of ‘duty and justice,’ as he called it. I still hold some of those ideals today, but most of them left me feeling confused and damaged,” she grabbed one of his hands and held it in hers, looking away, “I remember the first time I slept with Cassius, I was terrified. I could still hear my father’s voice telling me that if I ever committed adultery, he would allow my husband to beat me…” her voice trailed off a bit, and Brutus could see tears forming in her eyes. He felt his heart sink. He loved his wife with all of his heart, and knowing that she had had these thoughts instilled in her mind upset him. Cato was an honorable man, a good Stoic, but his morals were archaic. Brutus knew he most likely hadn’t meant to hurt his daughter.

“What did you do?”

“I decided that I couldn’t let it control me,” she said, wiping away her tears, “I fell in love with two men who loved me very much,” she smiled a bit, “and I had a baby, and I promised myself that I would be a good mother. I had to let the past go, and I had to focus on the present,” she looked back at him. “It didn’t happen immediately, and sometimes I still remember the things he would say to me, and I feel myself being pulled backward,” she sighed. “I try to take it one day at a time.” Brutus gave an understanding nod, pulling his wife in for a hug.

“You can’t let Antony have control over you,” she continued, “by dwelling on what happened, you’re only giving him more power. You need to move forward, Marcus. You need to focus on your life, right now, and not dwell in the past.”

Brutus pondered this. In all honestly, he couldn’t imagine himself moving on from this. However, he realized that he had a wife and a partner, and a new baby, and he knew that they needed him, and that they needed him to move on. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he knew he had to be strong. For his family.

He looked up, and he noticed Cassius standing in the doorway. He didn’t know how long he had been there, but Brutus assumed he had heard everything. He motioned for Cassius to come sit next to them, and he did. 

Brutus wrapped his arms around his two lovers. “I love you both so much,” he said, “And I promise, I’ll try to move on… but I don’t think I can do it alone.”

They all spent the night together, kissing and cuddling and promising Brutus they would stay with him no matter what. With Porcia and Cassius by his side, he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He would get past this, he knew, and he would move on. Brutus’s love for them grew and grew, and, for the first time in a very long time, he actually felt alive.


End file.
